The Hang of Things

Three-and-a-half months into my service and I am starting to understand what City Year is all about. Truly your year of service is what you make of it, and it is entirely possible to skate by. If you show up in uniform, treat the children decently, turn in your assignments on time and act courteously it is very unlikely that you will be fired. To be more than just an adequate corps member, to handle all your duties exceptionally well, takes more time than there are hours in a day.

I have a third grade mentee who I will call Esther. Esther is not the type of person I would have been friends with growing up. She is vindictive, manipulative, whiney and mean-spirited. When she does not get her way, such as when no one will play with her at recess, she breaks down and pouts. She gets bratty, jerks her head around and spits venom at everyone she encounters. Once, when I was trying to console her, she told me, "I'm on this side of the table, you stay on thaaat side." In truth, I only mentored her because my classroom teacher suggested that I do.

Since I began mentoring Esther there have been many challenging moments, but I have grown to care deeply about her and am interested in her success. At the suggestion of a school staff member, I have set up a behavior tracking plan. There are two specific behaviors I want her to work on: when she is with me I expect eye contact and for her to follow my directions; when she is with her classmates at recess and lunch she is to treat them with courtesy and respect. Each day she exhibits these behaviors she gets a sticker in the appropriate box on her behavior chart. If she gets enough stickers by the end of the month we do something special, such as an art project during our mentoring time. I denied her a sticker the other day for being rude to her classmates, and it felt like the first victory in my battle to control her behavior and not have her to control mine.

I believe that with kids it is better to err on the side of strictness and not that of leniency. I learned this lesson as a substitute, and I had to relearn it as a City Year Corps Member. City Year expects its volunteers to be somewhere between a friend and a teacher with a child, and I felt it was harder to discipline them then when I was a substitute. City Year uses the Nurtured Heart Approach discipline plan, which emphasizes pointing out positive behavior in a child to build a trusted relationship with him or her. I spent so much time doing this that I forgot to have consequences for negative behavior. When children would push the boundaries I would not push back. Thus they realized they could get away with anything and lost respect for me. I am still working to regain that respect.

I recommend incoming corps members be friendly but firm with the students. Have very specific consequences for negative behavior from day one, and do not waver in your enforcement of these consequences. Do not be afraid that you will not be liked by the kids, as some kids will like you and some will not no matter what. If they know you mean business, most will respect you more and listen better in the long run.